Friday, October 24, 2008

I Finally Got Around to Reading the Dictionary, Turns Out the Zebra Did It

Let it be known that when Miss Missives loosens her librarian-tight bun, takes off her Tina Fey glasses and shakes her tresses free, she is a veritable side-splitting siren. Daniel, an Australian twenty-something characterizes Do I Hear Happiness as a humor blog, however, at least in Miss Missive's colossal book of rules, humor still means funny.

Sure, some people go for deadpan while others go for slapstick, but funny is funny and even if it doesn't tickle your fancy, you can still see it. Now, Miss Missives I hear you saying, humor is relative. That's like saying either Kiera Knightleyor Anne Ramsey* could be seen as a beauty depending on your aesthetic. A certain waist to hip ratio, physical symmetry, clear skin and large eyes is universal in the realm of female beauty even allowing for individual cultural norms and mores. Well, same thing with funny.

Yes, there are brief moments of quick flashes of mediocre brilliance) but much of it rings like Jack Handey, absent the irony. This could be funny if fleshed out, as it stands it's clever but uninteresting. Daniel employs far too many flaccid one liners and because he only posts an average of four times a month, churning out this blather and this chum, is simply unacceptable. Most of it is the written equivalent of video taping yourself masturbating so you can relive it later. Look at me, oh how clever am I, a master of phrase, a bona fide comic savant. Problem is, watching the tape later, you'll see that you didn't look as achingly handsome as you thought you did in flagrante delicto.

The template is clean, some might say boring but it strikes me as purposefully minimalist, but Daniel, get rid of the pixellated, low rent clipart. I don't know what you're going for but the images can be improved upon, regardless.

Daniel, you can put words together in a coherent fashion, however, you lack a discernible voice, even an affected one. If writing humor is something you really want to do, then put away Halo, get your hands out of your pants and get yourself an education son. I'm going to suggest an independent study. Go here and read it all. If you want to learn the craft of delivering deadpan, ironic, witty, deeply philosophical one liners, study this master, or check out this relatively new to the scene genius. Then get all three seasons of this.

I'm sure you've seen some of this before but you need to study it. Then study it again. Only then should you put pen to paper.

*Known best for her roles in the Goonies and Throw Mama From the Train.

I give you and

42 comments:

  1. It's like "The Gong Show" bad.

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  2. Hmmm. I just can´t get into this form of expression. Funny things humor me when they are in the context of a story. I just can´t get into little phrases of pre-decided humor. It´s like jokes. I fucking hate jokes. There´s always so much build up and I know I´m supposed to laugh and then I just can´t and if I do, it´s forced.

    Part of what makes humor humorous is the surprise element. When your blog is subtitled "humor, comedy and other synonyms", for me, it´s just too much build up. Too many expectations.

    It would be good if these little tidbits of wisdom/humor this guy comes up with could be woven into a story of some sort.

    But you would have to know how to write to be able to do that. And maybe that´s the hard part.

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  3. Yeah, I didn't get it, and I like jokes if they are funny. I even liked the Jack Handy Deep Thoughts and other more offbeat stuff. This feel forced and pedantic.

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  4. Now see, I agree, he should be funnier.

    But he's still a DAMN lot funnier and more interesting than lots of other blogs that got better ratings.

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  5. I guess, I don't know. I like him. I see potential.

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  6. Miss MIssives10/24/2008 1:12 PM

    Everyone has potential.

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  7. Oh, and Missives, you gave him the best comedy advice ever.

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  8. Miss Missives10/24/2008 1:15 PM

    Have you seen Demitri Martin? Makes Miss Missives want to eat. him. up. Funny men + Miss Missives = instant panty remover.

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  9. Dude, he KILLED on the Daily Show. I'm pretty sure that his stint as a keytar player on Flight of the Conchords was one of the sexiest things I have EVER SEEN.

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  10. Let that be a lesson to all dudes: Buy a keytar. Carry it around, you don't need to know how to play. Chicks who know what it is? Will fuck you.

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  11. yeah, I was pretty much drooling over the Demitri Martin link too.

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  12. I'm calling bullshit on the keytar.

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  13. Maybe it's just me then.

    The Keytar is excellent. Chalk it up there with going out of your way to watch "Wings" and fearless admission of trolling yard sales for VHS copies of any movie starring James Coburn.

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  14. gok- that's just because you don't have a keytar, or do you? It doesn't matter though because you have a tent and an angry baby.

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  15. Key, what did you do to DPH to cause her to stop posting here, exactly? If it wasn't a keytar, WHAT WAS IT?

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  16. We haven't had any pouters around here for awhile have we? I miss that.

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  17. LB, I've been getting regular spankings with the 'whore oar' and haven't been able to sit my ass down for a week. Or maybe that was from all the ass sex. No, I'm pretty sure the UTI I got was from all the ass sex and rimjobs.

    Whatever. Fact remains, my ass is sore from any number of things and it burns when I pee.

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  18. Oh man...is it to late to recant my request to be review??

    I think I may have been high the day I submitted. Does that help?

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  19. DPH knows how to pee out her ass!
    My new hero.

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  20. Jillie, I can teach you. It's really not that hard. Just get sodomized a lot. That's a good place to start.

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  21. Yay! jillie returned!!!

    Sarah, don't be a scaredy cat. Our bark is far worse than our bite, unless you like being bitten. ;)

    DPH: I'm pretty sure that peeing out of your ass is what caused the UTI. And, I understand that a humongous penis and vigorous sex can ALSO cause a UTI.

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  22. LB, you've seen Key's goods so I'm sure you can sympathize with my pain.

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  23. DPH, I'll need visual aids. I'm this old dame. I've even forgotten who gets tied up.

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  24. Jillie, aren't you a lesbian? Or do I have my elders confused again?

    I'm happy to provide you with a visual aid, I just need to know what I'm working with here!

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  25. DPH, I was the last time I checked. Wait.
    Checked again. Yep, Still lesbo.

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  26. *waves back*

    I have seen key's goods, and my first thought, after seeing the piece, was "Oh HELL NO."

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  27. Alright then, you lint licker, I'll see what I can come up with.

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  28. Lintlickinglesbian.

    Has kind of a ring to it. I love alliteration.

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  29. And they say I'm just here for decoration and some place warm to stick a cock! I contribute.

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  30. You are MAJOR, DPH, MAJOR. Don't let them treat you like a mere bauble.

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  31. Oh Jillie, you're just saying that cause you want some hooker poon! I'm on to you, lesbo!

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  32. Don't worry, Askers, I'm sure DPH will be all healed up in another week or so. But she may go missing again after thanksgiving.

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  33. LB may have seen gok's goods but I've had the pleasure of being up close and personal with DPH's lady bits. Jealous much?

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  34. Crap. I know, it's the way I hold my cards. A dead givaway.

    LB, I rumor has it the Yak did it.

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  35. *waves to all present*

    *and re-buries his head in his tax returns*

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  36. Crow: where have you been all my life?

    ps to the crew:; so I reallyh thought there would be some good shit to drunkenly respond to, and instead I'm left with crap.

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  37. Well, I DO like biting....rawr! =P

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  38. "I don't know who came up with the idea that cats have nine lives, but whoever it was owes me a cat. "

    That's a title. That's all that is. It was good enough to be expounded upon. Sounds like a heartbreaker to me. Guess I'll never know.

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  39. More professional comedians whose blogs would be better than mine, if they had blogs: Zach Galifianakis, Mitch Hedberg, Jimmy Carr, John Swartzwelder, David Cross, Patton Oswalt, Shaun Micallef, Simon Pegg, George Kaufman, SJ Perelman, Woody Allen.

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  40. Okay, Daniel, time for my two cents:

    Ahhh, Patton Oswalt is hit-and-miss. Sometimes, and I'm using "sometimes" lightly, you're funnier than him. He's got great words, but awkward timing. Micallef is the opposite, because he says stupid ass shit with impeccable timing.

    Maybe that's just because he's British.

    And Kaufman? He's no Billy Wilder.

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Grow a pair.