Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Passing Notes

Ever since I was a teen, chugging vodka and pink lemonade (Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking with that one. Don't ask me how many times I woke up in a pool of sick. Pink sick.), firing up plastic bottle bongs, and giving blowjobs in dugouts, I've been afraid of the cops. To this day, if I see one in my rearview, I get all panicky. And I'm (usually) not doing anything wrong! It doesn't help that in college I was totally made an example of by overzealous cops busting my birthday party for "fighting" --- it wasn't fighting, y'all. That beating sound they heard was me clobbering a pinata full of blow pops and condoms. And since when are Jello wrestling pits not allowed? I ask you.

Anyway, my point is that cop avoidance is still entrenched deep within my (mostly) law-abiding heart. I mean, honestly. I won't even cut through a parking lot, people. I always use my turn signal, I rarely speed, and I once ratted on a shoplifter. So I'm a little loosey-goosey with the intoxicating substances. Does that make me a criminal? Oh. Right. I guess it does.

Which brings me to today's reviewee: MJ, who is engaged to a cop.

I am, even now, afraid to type. If my desk had a rearview I'd be checking it and sitting up straight, trying to look innocent.

To compound this, I think I've covered the fact that I'm a member of the liberal elite. Or a dirty hippy. Whichever you prefer. MJ might have been better served with Love Bites as a reviewer, hawkish hippy hater with a law enforcement history that she is. But them's the breaks, MJ. You're stuck with me. I'll try not to waft my patchouli too near you.*

The design first, because that's the easy part. The tadpoles are freaking me out. There's a boring (but easy on the eyes) gray background, and the template is relatively uncluttered and pain-free. Yahoo for tabs! You might consider rolling up your labels, though.

So, yes, I disagree with her politics. A lot. But she's at least thoughtful and not overly polemic (Although fuck you, whore, I am not immature. Pardon me while I take my toys and go home.), so I can respect that. Ish.

MJ is a Christian, but irreverent, so I don't have to worry about her hitting my pagan ass with her Bible because she's full of Christ's love.

We don't need innuendos for fucking around here, people. She tries to keep her blog PG-13, I guess, which my foul-mouthed, porn loving self just doesn't get.

There are some seriously boring (and uninspired) posts, like she's emailing her girlfriends or writing in her diary. These were the early days of her blog, though, so maybe she was just getting her bearings. Wrong. (Ok, wait. At least she recognizes it.) MJ also does a lot of LOLcats posting, which I HATE. And memes. Lots of 'em.

And oh look, she links to my pal Laurie! Goody.

It seems to me like MJ has just recently got her groove with this whole blogging thing. She's ditched a lot of the "sorry for not blogging, I'm so busy and boring" posts, which is a plus, but she still leans a lot on LOLcats and memes and links to other sites. I don't mind the links to other sites so much because I enjoy finding new places to goof off, but you run the risk of making your blog a linklog. There's a lot of community-building going on, and I can't decide if that annoys me or not (I'm pretty sure it does). On one hand I can see the benefit. Like minds and all that. But on the other it feels like it makes the blog inauthentic. Or impersonal. Or I'm not sure.

She knows she's not a writer. And though the writing isn't particularly nuanced or polished, it is mostly well-constructed and intelligent, and she has a bright and individual voice. I didn't find much to relate to, what with the whole I'm 10 years older and vulgar and a law-breaker and a heathen and a pacifist, but I can see where others might. And her Note to Idiots stuff is amusing, and I like her little "note to self" blurbs at the end of each post. With the wrong person, that could be overdone and silly, but for you I think it works.

But... there's no depth. And there's no darkness. We don't see more than one or two sides of MJ. Either that's orchestrated intentionally and she doesn't want to share, or MJ is cheerfully snarky and upbeat and thankful and in love all the time.

I read the entire blog, and while I didn't hate the time I spent there (aside from a few politically motivated outbursts on my part), I mostly didn't get it. But what's weird about that is I kind of wanted to. So there's something here, something that MJ is putting out, that's drawn me in just enough to wonder... but not enough to keep me. I think I want more authenticity, more warts, more meat. MJ, I want you to not post so much flotsam and jetsam from the internet and get real. As it is your blog is fairly innocuous (except when you downtrod us poor, defenseless, do-gooder liberals). And bland. Like white bread. Or Play Dough, except less salty.

Honestly, this one stumped me. It trumps my hardest review ever. Because I kept looking for something really good. Something that would clarify my gut reaction of liking you (and I do). Something that would illustrate why, despite our differences, I want to enjoy your blog. I just never quite got there. Maybe it's because I haven't figured you out yet, not even close. And maybe you should do something to let me. Or maybe not. I'm conflicted. Obviously.

*I don't actually wear patchouli, I promise.


  1. *reluctantly comes out from under her desk*

    You mean no flames or flying stones?


    Thanks for the review. I'll take my one star with dignity along with a promise to add more depth, darkness, and *ahem* actual cursing in the future.

  2. No flames. I honestly didn't consider a flaming finger. I considered a multitude of other things such that this review took me three hours, but no flaming fingers.

    I am so ready for everyone else to chime in because I was adrift on this one. And really, really long-winded.

  3. MJ has a foul, whoreish mouth in the comments on my blog, so maybe she's just watching it on her own because of family or something?

    I like her when she comments on mine and Ghost's blogs, but I have a hard time reading hers because of how political it is. I just don't do politics on the blogs.

  4. Yeah, I'd seen her comments here and laughed.

  5. I do it mostly because, like you said, I try to keep some things "clean" on my blog. Although I write more for me, there are some things I'm willing to give up (like being graphic) for the sake of some of my readers.

    Wow, that makes me sound so church-y. *starts tearing pages out of her Bible and lighting them on fire* Okay, better.

    And DPH, I have sworn off politics recently for that very reason. It's getting on my nerves, and unless it's humorous, it only pisses people off.

    Y'all's feedback has actually given me some good ideas for posts.

    Ciao... dare I say it... bitches!

  6. Funny thing about politics, is that I feel like republicans think democrats are immature and just listen to propaganda without thinking, and democrats think that republicans are uneducated and just listen to propaganda without thinking.

    I mean, it goes both ways. Both sides feel that the other is entirely comprised with people who lack reason. It makes arguing fun, but pointless.

  7. And Cal, because of your savvy indecision, this review just solidifies that as far as dirty hippies go, you do not fit the mold that conservatives project onto us.

  8. ahahahahahaha! I love it! I LOVE your gritiness (if that's a word)...I enjoy MJ's "Note to..." posts.

  9. Man, I sound like a fucking dick.

    Cal, I agree with you. I like her. I want to like her more.

  10. I'll give MJ props because she's a fairly regular commenter on my blog but to each their own.

  11. Maybe after the elections I'll be able to look at Republicans and see something other than people who oppose gay marriage and abortions. But for now let them doodle "I <3 Palin" while I pray for my guy, the terrorist.

  12. Um, hello. Palin t-shirts?

  13. It´s hard for me to get beyond the political stuff, because for me it says so much about a person (not which party they vote for but how they stand on issues). I read some political blogs that share my political views. I´m sure I read loads of blogs who I wouldn´t agree with their political views, but since they don´t discuss it, I wouldn´t know and continue to read and like them. Maybe I´m kinda narrow minded, but if they started pulling the conservative card in their posts, I would likely jump ship.

  14. You don't know how hard it was for me to set aside my politics for this one, but I felt I had to, to be fair. I mean, hell. My entire family is voting for the decrepit old man and his train wreck of a VP. I gotta be able to compartmentalize a little bit or I would go crazy(er). My knee was jerking the entire time, though, and I got a temporary case of liberal Tourette's. Ass licker erratic idiot misogynist wink mother fucker keating five libby cunt face surge bush verizon whore.

  15. Oh, just to clarify, I did not make the Palin t-shirts for me. I designed them for other people. What can I say, I'm a greedy bitch, and Obama fans didn't approach me to buy up 40 shirts... hurray for capitalism!

  16. Also, is it me, or did this place change a bit overnight? Are the comments different? Am I smoking crack again? Sometimes it's so hard to tell.

  17. Calamity, Key hasn´t been around to foul the place up.

  18. I'm not as good with change as I thought. These comments be bojangled.

  19. Rassles, I don´t know what the hell is going on with your blog either, I can´t post a damn comment. Maybe I´m retarded.

  20. Rassles, I can comment on your blog either, that shit is broken. I was going to suggest an alternate title like Sometimes I drink beer. No?

  21. Goddammit, what the hell? Comment fuckuppery. Cruisin for a bruisin.

  22. The comments section sucks now cause you can't see anyone's avatar's anymore.

  23. And this comments section is all fucked up too.
    Or is it just me?
    Nevermind. Don't answer that.
    The reviewed blog? Please send ADD or ADHD or WTF medication immediately. I admit it. I. Could. Not. Stop. Watching. The. Tadpoles.
    And, MJ? I've been wanting so badly to have a t-shirt with a photo of Todd Palin that says, "Palin Eats Pussy". Any interest in makin' one of those up for me? You know, capitalism and all?

  24. I agree, the comments section is buggered. I woke up this morning and blogger must have changed their code again. All blogger classic templates are now having comment issues. I fixed it by using some code from another blog of mine where the comments are still working. This isn't as good, I agree, but at least the comments are working (sort of).

    I'll play with it until it looks better, I promise. Just one of those ten million bad fucking things that's happened to me today.

  25. I don't know. I kind of like the change.


Grow a pair.