Passing Notes

Ever since I was a teen, chugging vodka and pink lemonade (Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking with that one. Don't ask me how many times I woke up in a pool of sick. Pink sick.), firing up plastic bottle bongs, and giving blowjobs in dugouts, I've been afraid of the cops. To this day, if I see one in my rearview, I get all panicky. And I'm (usually) not doing anything wrong! It doesn't help that in college I was totally made an example of by overzealous cops busting my birthday party for "fighting" --- it wasn't fighting, y'all. That beating sound they heard was me clobbering a pinata full of blow pops and condoms. And since when are Jello wrestling pits not allowed? I ask you.

Anyway, my point is that cop avoidance is still entrenched deep within my (mostly) law-abiding heart. I mean, honestly. I won't even cut through a parking lot, people. I always use my turn signal, I rarely speed, and I once ratted on a shoplifter. So I'm a little loosey-goosey with the intoxicating substances. Does that make me a criminal? Oh. Right. I guess it does.

Which brings me to today's reviewee: MJ, who is engaged to a cop.

I am, even now, afraid to type. If my desk had a rearview I'd be checking it and sitting up straight, trying to look innocent.

To compound this, I think I've covered the fact that I'm a member of the liberal elite. Or a dirty hippy. Whichever you prefer. MJ might have been better served with Love Bites as a reviewer, hawkish hippy hater with a law enforcement history that she is. But them's the breaks, MJ. You're stuck with me. I'll try not to waft my patchouli too near you.*

The design first, because that's the easy part. The tadpoles are freaking me out. There's a boring (but easy on the eyes) gray background, and the template is relatively uncluttered and pain-free. Yahoo for tabs! You might consider rolling up your labels, though.

So, yes, I disagree with her politics. A lot. But she's at least thoughtful and not overly polemic (Although fuck you, whore, I am not immature. Pardon me while I take my toys and go home.), so I can respect that. Ish.

MJ is a Christian, but irreverent, so I don't have to worry about her hitting my pagan ass with her Bible because she's full of Christ's love.

We don't need innuendos for fucking around here, people. She tries to keep her blog PG-13, I guess, which my foul-mouthed, porn loving self just doesn't get.

There are some seriously boring (and uninspired) posts, like she's emailing her girlfriends or writing in her diary. These were the early days of her blog, though, so maybe she was just getting her bearings. Wrong. (Ok, wait. At least she recognizes it.) MJ also does a lot of LOLcats posting, which I HATE. And memes. Lots of 'em.

And oh look, she links to my pal Laurie! Goody.

It seems to me like MJ has just recently got her groove with this whole blogging thing. She's ditched a lot of the "sorry for not blogging, I'm so busy and boring" posts, which is a plus, but she still leans a lot on LOLcats and memes and links to other sites. I don't mind the links to other sites so much because I enjoy finding new places to goof off, but you run the risk of making your blog a linklog. There's a lot of community-building going on, and I can't decide if that annoys me or not (I'm pretty sure it does). On one hand I can see the benefit. Like minds and all that. But on the other it feels like it makes the blog inauthentic. Or impersonal. Or I'm not sure.

She knows she's not a writer. And though the writing isn't particularly nuanced or polished, it is mostly well-constructed and intelligent, and she has a bright and individual voice. I didn't find much to relate to, what with the whole I'm 10 years older and vulgar and a law-breaker and a heathen and a pacifist, but I can see where others might. And her Note to Idiots stuff is amusing, and I like her little "note to self" blurbs at the end of each post. With the wrong person, that could be overdone and silly, but for you I think it works.

But... there's no depth. And there's no darkness. We don't see more than one or two sides of MJ. Either that's orchestrated intentionally and she doesn't want to share, or MJ is cheerfully snarky and upbeat and thankful and in love all the time.

I read the entire blog, and while I didn't hate the time I spent there (aside from a few politically motivated outbursts on my part), I mostly didn't get it. But what's weird about that is I kind of wanted to. So there's something here, something that MJ is putting out, that's drawn me in just enough to wonder... but not enough to keep me. I think I want more authenticity, more warts, more meat. MJ, I want you to not post so much flotsam and jetsam from the internet and get real. As it is your blog is fairly innocuous (except when you downtrod us poor, defenseless, do-gooder liberals). And bland. Like white bread. Or Play Dough, except less salty.

Honestly, this one stumped me. It trumps my hardest review ever. Because I kept looking for something really good. Something that would clarify my gut reaction of liking you (and I do). Something that would illustrate why, despite our differences, I want to enjoy your blog. I just never quite got there. Maybe it's because I haven't figured you out yet, not even close. And maybe you should do something to let me. Or maybe not. I'm conflicted. Obviously.








*I don't actually wear patchouli, I promise.