This place always smells like sex

I can't promise a purely objective view of this tawdry site. I'll be honest, I like it too much for that. But, I'll do my best.

Keywork first started slumming in these parts after his pal, Laurie, received a fairly cordial yet tepid review of her blog, and whined, loudly. Spankings and mayhem resulted.

And, we've been fast (albeit sexually exhibitionist) friends ever since.

It's rather humorous that Key has finally submitted his blog here, long after doing a few reviews for us. And, knowing how bitchy I am, still hasn't fucking fixed his template.

But, all in good time, my pets.

Without further adieu, the template. Apparently, key's huge penis is doing all the thinking these days, because the template is hideous. It has improved, believe it or not, but it still looks like donkey ass. I dunno, maybe they like donkey ass a little too much out in western Colorado, if you catch my drift.

Key: Use a graphic in the header. If you need it, I'll personally create a header bar for your blog that features this. It should be at the top of your blog.

Second, the fucking font does not need to be this large, unless you're publishing books in large print for elderly readers. And, seniors should be advised AGAINST your blog because your content might give them a heart attack. Thus, scale your font down to some normal size, you retard.

I would recommend, as I always do, something with navigation buttons across the top. These designs are generally clean and user-friendly, and would help. How about something like this or this? Or, maybe even this? All of those are simple and clean, and will make navigation easier for your readers. Move your archive up on your sidebar, put some of these pictures and headings behind navigation buttons, and clean up your sidebar. That will help emphasize your charitable causes, which currently are competing with photos of your electronic monitoring anklets (you fucking criminal).

You might even consider putting pictures of yourself as "hot marlboro marine" in your header bar, though not in the dimension of 1024 x 968 pixels.

In my opinion, you should only read this blog if you like stories about sex. Or, stories about sex with prosthetic limbs. Or, you should read it if you're a fucking retard, doomed to failure. Or, if you have hot geek crushes and want to feel normal (relatively speaking). Or, if you have sympathy for drunken suicide attempts that (thankfully) failed. Or, if you want to learn about rimjobs.

Keywork, you're a fucking cluster. A fuster cluck, or clusterfuck, in the truest sense of the military phrase. You need to get your shit together. I wish you wrote more, because when you actually write posts (versus whoring for votes and/or causes), your posts are profane, hilarious, deeply wrong in all the right ways, and surprisingly touching. You're the non-douchey Tucker Max. You're a fucking screw-up with more than one screw loose, and I want to take you in and serve you chocolate pudding, and then lick it off your hot, naked, frighteningly pale body. Yes, DPH can join in.

What can I say? You're our Key, and we loves you. Even if you don't clean up your blog template and the abomination of large fonts, I will still keep immersing myself in your personal sewer. Because I like it, dammit.