Thursday, February 05, 2009

Nonsense indeed


Oh joy. A "humour" blog.

All the Indian emos must be busy queuing up for my chemical romance tickets.

Anyway, Mr VE with your fantastical nonsense, I sense you are sitting there, buttocks clenched, waiting to be told how wonderful you are.

So here goes: You're not really. You could be, but we’ll come back to that.

Humour bloggers are starting to become the bane of my existence. This one is more or less the same as all the rest. Post after post of nothingness surrounding yet another quirky picture stolen from the internet, that a thousand other gormless humour bloggers are copy/pasting into another thousand worthless posts in the name of entertainment somewhere else on the planet.

That’s the bulk of your stuff I'm sorry to say. But, there are glimpses of hope, all is not lost. You are, if nothing else, occasionally original. You manage to squeeze out entries on a regular basis where there should be no fodder.

You show that you can write up a storm from almost nothing. This is what I see as your redeeming feature. You are a writer. Unfortunately you are a writer wasting your time on a "LOL" and "I think I threw up a little in my mouth" audience.

Write about yourself, about what you do, about the shit you put up with daily, the ins and outs of the ordinary, the mundane, and the reality. Turn your language skills and fluid vocabulary to that instead of today's Yahoo wacky news headline.

You do the haggard old humour blog "well", and that's as objective as I'm going to get about it, considering I hate everything about it at this stage. What you could do is endless. You have a nice turn of phrase, a purposefulness when you write, and an interesting dark humour that deserves a more substantial subject matter.

I think you are wasting your time doing what you do now, but of course that's personal opinion. I ask you are you proud of what you produce? all of it?

I spent hours reading through you last week and I couldn't come up with anything more than major 'meh'. So in an attempt to not be completely guided by my prejudices, I came back to it this week.

You do a neat humour blog, which to me is akin to performing a tidy home abortion, but each to their own. Two stars through my gritted teeth, with endless possibilities if you changed your focus.






= = = = =
An aside. Lest I be accused of hating an entire sub-continent, I must refer to an earlier review of the cynic's bar. A shit load of potential, but Joe had a tendancy to never shut the fuck up. It was almost unreadable without huge effort.

Fast forward 5 or 6 months and have a look at an infinitely improved template, and posts that actually read like they were edited with being read by another human in mind. You can now see the black humour in almost every entry, the alternating touches of self deprecation and obnoxiousness, and a sinister grumpiness that I enjoy.

It's different, in written pace and origins, and although the comments tend to spiral into incomprehensible screeches and grunts, overall it's no real bad thing.

You are not a cynic, you're just a grumpy fucker, but one who wanted critique, took it on the chin, and acted. A pretty fucking unique effort and I think it deserves a few of these.

I havent got a fucking clue why there are a billion stars in this post, and I can't be arsed trying to fix it any more. To clarify, 2 for funny man and 3 for the slumdog millionaire.

48 comments:

  1. I'm not sure how I feel about this blog. I read a few posts and I see how it should be funny, but I can't seem to muster a smile on most. Well, the IKEA post made me laugh, especially his comparison of the store to a maze. Anyway, good review. Out of the few humor blogs I've read, this one actually seems to have potential to keep me interested.

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  2. FG: be thankful you didn't peruse his blogroll. Also, is the war over?

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  3. I'm kind of depressed now.

    And bloggers who write in third person make me want to gouge my own fucking eyes out.

    There is something to be said for my tendency to over react.

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  4. humor blogs bore me over time

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  5. Really, Tits? Ghost would hate to cause you to lose your eyes. Because Ghost is a kind, caring motherfucker. Need some help?

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  6. Ghost needs to eat shit and grow up.

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  7. Ghost thinks Tits needs to look into some anger management classes. Or tampons with a less abrasive applicator.

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  8. Aww, Gene.. you've left the wind up barman speechless for once.

    That said, I think you're actually developing a fondness for us Emos. In your own uncloaked way, of course.

    Appreciate the mention though, Cheers!

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  9. Ghost should probably keep his mind on wedding planning and off of my tampons.

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  10. Ghost thinks the anger management classes are working already. No need to thank Ghost, Ghost is all help, all the time.

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  11. I see Ghost is still confusing help with crusty dingleberry.

    No worries, Ghost. You'll figure it out.

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  12. Tits: Ghost doesn't know why you insist on being so mean.

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  13. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh at the comments on here or be afraid of them. There's that "big brain" of mine at work again, Betsy :)

    I think I must have oppositional defiant disorder when it comes to Humor blogs. It's like I just have the hardest time laughing because they tell me I'm supposed to.

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  14. gwen jackson2/05/2009 12:26 PM

    P.S. Sorry I spelled your name wrong, Betsey.

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  15. Ghost - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be mean. I didn't realize that you were so sensitive about your cognitive skills.

    And because today is the day your mother is laying her plague on the house of my friend, I'll let your crankiness slide.

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  16. Oh Gwen - We all know that's not my name anyway. ;)

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  17. Gwen, there's nothing to fear in the comments here.
    Tits: So, ya know, um, idiot.

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  18. Hey Ghost? Refer back to that eat shit comment earlier and commence to taking action on my suggestion.

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  19. Ghost will gladly honor your request at the next DPH/GoK cagematch.

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  20. I'm sensing some interpersonal conflict here. Do I need to exercise my skills as a trained mediator?

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  21. I don't think so, LB. It looks like Joe and the Father have resolved their conflict already.

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  22. Did you just say that I was going to eat your shit? Or am I wearing my tard hat again?

    Excuse me while I go walk into a parked car.

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  23. Maybe you should have Tits draw a diagram for you, honey. You respond well to pictures. Also, try not to lick any windows this weekend.

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  24. The only licking I'll be doing this weekend is to get all the shit off of my nose from having it shoved up your mom's ass.

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  25. So you're going to hire someone to rim Capn Fat Sack this weekend?

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  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  27. I went, I saw, I felt sleepy. Sorry, just don't feel like digging around over there.
    What's up with the Gene & Joe thing? I am going to miss the days when Gene would get Joe all riled up and get me to the point of just having to tell Joe to go fuck himself with a handful of sand or something.

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  28. Joe get your tongue out of my ass.

    Mongoloid girl, get your head out of yours.

    He did as he was told, fixed his shit.

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  29. Crap...does this mean I can unclench my buttocks finally? Thanks. But you know, it does wonders for the glutes.

    I really thought I'd take a bigger beating. I think I taunted you guys a few times. But I will say this; I relish the blunt honesty like an overworked movie reviewer that catches a spliced-in nudity scene on a boring too-long G movie. Meaning to say I don't think I could get that kind of review anywhere else in this world of PC correctness. Am I proud of my posts? No, honestly I only think about 10% of them are really any good. Good call! But sometimes I crack myself up with stupid stuff...like the notion of a one-color rubiks cube "for those that don't have time or intelligence" for the other. I know; childish drivel. So, I'm gonna review your review on my post tomorrow and then I'm going to spend the next week or so taking your advice to heart and write for myself. Humor writing; but perhaps a different direction. I want to see if I can really do it. Thanks for the review; I honestly don't know how you can plod through sucky blog after sucky blog the way you all do...

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  30. If I ever sign up for a review (which will never happen because I'm too self centered to handle a positive and too neurotic to handle constructive-and both of those together might kill me) but if I do, if that moment happens and I reply with anything other than "Hey, thanks"

    just shoot me in the head.

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  31. 'The "LOL" and "I think I threw up a little in my mouth" audience.' I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who cringes when he reads a comment with either of these hackneyed phrases in it.

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  32. @GoK: The war? What war? I thought we are all brothers and sisters in here? (Except for you, of course, GoK. You're inhuman. And proud of it too, I'm sure)

    @White Noise: Hump sand eh? Interesting. I bet sandpaper is your idea of a condom.

    @Gene: Your ability to link every sentence with an anal heritage is mind boggling.

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  33. Inhuman could also mean I consider you partly / mostly reptile, or something..

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  34. Again, I can't say you would be wrong in classifying me as reptillian.

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  35. Na, "classifying" you would be a bit mean. I think "stereotyping" would be appropriate.

    So, are you and Parakeet getting along yet?

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  36. Don't know, Joe, he hasn't been back since we tripled his daily traffic.

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  37. Not yet, Joe. I need to be given stars and sent to the head of the class like you first. Give me a few years.

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  38. You don't need stars to become incestuous. Kiss and make up already.

    GoK is easy to get along with so long as you ignore his racist, reptilian and big hearted openness.

    Aren't I right GoK?

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  39. Playing the race card, at this point, is downright pathetic. Is that all you've got?

    When will you braindead ass cracks get it through your heads that key is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY ASSHOLE? He hates EVERYONE, regardless of skin color.

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  40. LB: Exactly! I love to hate the love to hate of GoK!

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  41. The race card, is a Trump card L.B. It's pathetic no matter when it's played. Which is what makes it so much fun.

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  42. I don't talk to people who hate caucasians, Joe.

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  43. It isn't the ones who hate Caucasians you should avoid, L.B. It's the ones who wanna annihiliate them.

    Why choose a global market when you can opt for the niche ones?

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  44. Joe just hates white folk since they kicked his and Tonto's arse at the battle of Woeful Shite.

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  45. Damnit Gene, isn't what's said in the confession box supposed to stay in the confession box?

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Grow a pair.