Random is Dead.

An old nemesis of ours, random, died recently. He was stabbed to death, repeatedly, by the blogosphere. He is survived by his loving wife, miscellaneous, and his children mundane, slapdash, incidental, and indiscriminate. Donations should be sent to thesaurus.com.

Say it together, out loud: RANDOM IS DEAD. You put a knife into random when you put exactly zero thought into your blog. You gave random a kick that fractured his orbital bone when you showed you didn't care. You put random into permanent kidney failure because of your thoughtless, slipshod, disorganized writing.

You, and you, and you, you all killed random. You're all fucking murderers, every single one of you who misused and abused poor random, and made him your bitch.

This message particularly applies to today's reviewee. I have ADD and reading this blog is actually painful for me. It bings from one subject to another, zooming headlong from an interview with Nelson Mandela to stories about flatmates.

I don't get it. I don't think you will, either.

At a minimum, this site needs to:

1) Create an about me. Who are you, and why in the fuck are you polluting the blogosphere with your random bullshit? This is how poorly explicated your blog is: I read for 30 minutes and STILL don't know your gender. Are you a he or a she?

2) Get rid of the ugly ads. You don't need 3 columns. You especially don't need a 2-column wide ad. I doubt you have more than 10 readers at this point. Who is buying this ugly shit you're advertising? No one.

3) Figure out who you are and what you are writing. See item #1.

I'm going to repeat myself from a previous review because some of you aren't paying attention:

Knock off the shtick, and learn to tell a story without killing it.

Ultimately, blogging is a simple thing. If you write it, they will come. It doesn't have to look good (note: I once gave an ifuckingloveyou to a blog on myspace). You don't have to promote it. You don't have to get on everyone's blogroll. You don't have to join humorblogs.com and ten million other blog promotional pyramid schemes to promote your blog.

You just have to do one thing, and do it well:

Write.

I give you a short bus. This blog, in its present state, has all the wit and sparkling charm of a coma patient.

And fucking put Random to rest, in the cemetary, where he belongs. He's starting to smell.