Thursday, September 11, 2008

Review a Reviewer...

...it's almost too delicious in its incestuousness. Now, I read lots of foodie blogs, movie blogs, and pop culture blogs, but no book blogs. So, I entered Bitterly Books with an open heart and was immediately pissed off. First of all, the author had to pick the goddamn ugliest fucking template offered by Blogger. Seriously? I mean, all the templates suck pretty hard, but the shit brown template with only a little more pizazz than a well formed turd ranks far below the pink template of death. If you're going to take the time to read and review obscure books (not to mention including IBSN numbers), I think you can take an hour or two out of your busy schedule to search google for a free template with a book theme.

Furthermore, what's with all the fucking labels? The list is longer than a whale's dick and most of them only have one entry. That's just moronic on all levels. You might as well categorize them by the Dewey Decimal System for all the good that 30 plus, ultra-specific labels will do your readers. How about rolling up Kate Moss, Kat Von D, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Warren Buffet, Anjelina Jolie, et al into one category called "People of Note/Celebrities/Attention Whores, or whatever. Furthermore, is a label for "Dr. Benson Honeydew" really necessary? And who the fuck is he anyway? You'd be far better off with just a few descriptive categories, because really, and I'll be honest here, that mile long list is so fucking distracting I had to physically force my eyes over to the middle of the screen to read your reviews.

As for the content? Eh, it's little more than quoted lines of text with very little of the blogger's opinion. Thanks, but that's what Amazon is for. I feel like I'm reading some of my early English comp papers that were heavy on cited text to make the page quota. Add that to the ass ugly template, labels out the wazoo, and you get this steaming pile of boring. Take the effort you're expending by pulling quotes from the books you read and redirect it into forming an actual cohesive and elegant review and you'll be on to something.

I give it because all those labels make me want to set fire to the internet and there's just no fucking excuse for that template choice, which completely obfuscates a good blog idea.

16 comments:

  1. I like BB. Yes, the template is garbage. But I like the content, I also like Little Debbie Cupcakes.

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  2. My only problem here is that it's Dr. BUNSON Honeydew.

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  3. Dear Betsy Booms:

    Where is the photo of the new boobs????

    As far as Bitter Book shit is concerned, I LIKE this blog. I think it's hilarious, really.

    But, it is terribly difficult to maneuver through, the overabundance of labels doesn't help, and the template is hideous.

    Surely someone this funny and astute can do better...

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  4. Yeah, this review was extremely incestuous: Bitter Books, meet Bitter Mistress.

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  5. BB, is there a tab for the Swedish Chef as well? Going back to look.....

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  6. But tell us how you really feel....

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  7. I love to read so thought I'd like this site but it was too hard to navigate for me.

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  8. So at the top, there's all hte kinds of books she's reviewed, which I get. But then all the people that she would/would not recommend them to. Why? I'm not going to knock the template because that was mine back in the day and the whole parchment paper look sort of makes sense with the rare book theme. However. She did have a book review on nipple tats, and all sorts of body modification and I do love me a good tattoo. Perhaps that could be Ms. Booms next project? Nipple tats?

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  9. Dude, really really liked it. I even enjoyed all of the labels. How else am I supposed to know that Calista Flockheart prefers books about successful stick-figure women to successful six-figure women?

    I think the labels are completely necessary. I find them endearing.

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  10. Whale's Dick. Loved it.

    I also loved the line on the bottom of the blog that says, "Would you recommend this page to a friend and/or stranger? Absolutely."

    She gave her own site review. Why does she need yours? I love sites that I can just hate. Can you imagine if she reviewed books like you review blogs? Now that would be great.

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  11. set the internet on fire...lol

    It is pretty fucking bad when someone makes you want to loot the interwebs

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  12. Here I've been sitting, oblivious, all day.

    I had no idea that my tidlums were the talk today.

    Yeah, I haven't done an after shot, sans bandages yet.

    I'll get on that.

    It just seems odd explaining to my husband just WHY he's taking pictures of my breasticles when he didn't ask for them.

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  13. Tits McGee, tell your husband they're for me and J!

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  14. ...and thats one shitty review from butter adulteress....

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  15. You've got explosions in your rating for a blog on 9/11.

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Grow a pair.